she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
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