You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Randomize
