I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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