I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
