why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
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How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
there is glitter all over my balls
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