I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
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