Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
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