I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
Randomize
