Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
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