I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Randomize
