if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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