I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
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