She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
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