I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Randomize
