So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
I just found a bag of teeth...
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
Randomize
