I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Randomize
