I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
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