Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Randomize
