Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
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