Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
Randomize
