We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
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