Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
