I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
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