come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
Randomize
