i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
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