Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
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