This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
Randomize
