A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
My breasts were aching with rage.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
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