lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
