but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
Randomize
