Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
