I feel like I'm in dance class right now
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
Randomize
