You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
Randomize
