I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
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