What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
