I molested 6 butterflies tonight
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize
