Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease