You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
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I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
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Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.