You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
These People Had Regrettable One Night Stands
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
I am invincible.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
This Girl Makes Latte Art That’s Too Cute to Drink
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
My butt remains clenched, sir.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.