Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
Can I color on your dick again?
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
Randomize
