I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
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