Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
