M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
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