I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
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