from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
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