I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
Randomize