Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
Randomize
