We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
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