Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Randomize
