I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
