proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
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