Pappa wants mamma naked
There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
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