I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Randomize
