We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
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