Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
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