If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize
