Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
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You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
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