Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
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