My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
We have so much sex to catch up on
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
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