I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
