the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
Randomize
