Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Randomize
