i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
