It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
