So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Randomize
