I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
