i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Randomize
