As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
I'm having to shit out rocks
Randomize
