my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
Randomize
