just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
Randomize
