My hair reeks of homosexuality.
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
