dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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