He uses pillows to masturbate.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
Randomize
