I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
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