i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
the raccoons are back...
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