They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
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