Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
